Teach Soap

As I drove to pick up one of Mr D's xmas presents today - some second hand toy trucks I won off ebay - I cried the entire time. After passing yet another month's cut off date for child support payments with no money in sight, I realised that the soap ex was never going to change.

That was the final breath of hope for me. I had hoped he would pay the CS payment so I could not only feed the kids and get Miss S a school uniform so she can go to school next year, but also so I could pick up a select few key ingredients so I could continue soaping. A small pot of lye, and a couple of bars of M&P. Just enough so I could continue.

But alas, through drowning tears while driving, I realised that I just can't. I'm going to have to stop Coolah Creations for the time being while I try and work out how to put more than stale bread and water on my kids dinner plates, how I'm going to re-enable my contents insurance that was cancelled this week due to payments being blocked by the bank courtesy of a severely overdrawn credit card.

While I will stand up and take ownership of the fact that yes I have continued to indulge my soaping addiction WHEN the money has been available. But this current crisis is actually due to someone else's actions, and that is making me SO angry right now!!

I do one market. They do different locations once every two months, sometimes every month. They are a baby and kids boutique market and I've been taking my M&P kids soaps along to sell and get my name out there. While a small market in the scheme of things, the people that ran it were lovely and there in lies my first issue. I have a hard time separating business from friendship...

Recently, this market organised a booth at a massive 3 day Expo that was held in the city. Twenty thousand people plus expected to attend. A select few of the core stall holders were offered a deal - give over 4 hours of your time to hand out market fliers, and you can display some of your items at the Expo and sell them if you choose. The thought of my products in front of a potential 20,000 people was huge, so of course I jumped at it!

I even offered the lady that runs the market some sample soaps to hand out. I figured hey, I have some CP / older soaps sitting here not doing anything, might as well PUT my product in people's hands. So I cut up any CP soaps I had here, melted down left over scraps of M&P and made up about 500 sample soaps. I handed them over as a donation to be given out at the Expo.

Now... I handed them over because A) They were just scrap/old soaps here that weren't doing much anyway. And B) I figured if people actually used my soap, I might get some business out of it. C) I started to care too much about the people running the market and wanted to help them succeed - which would also bring more people to the actual markets which in turn would help me.

The problem however, was that they handed the soap samples out to EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON that walked past the booth. NOT the ones that stopped and were interested in the market. NOT the ones that signed up for the newsletter. NOT the ones that bought stuff.

ANYONE BREATHING GOT GIVEN A SOAP!!!

Needless to say - 2 hours into day one and I get a phone call that all the soaps are gone and they want more. But I don't have any more. The lady running it says she will pay me for what ever I can make. So, I pull out the 20kgs of M&P GM base I have sitting here and start melting it down into sample sizes.

I spent THREE DAYS doing nothing but putting these samples together. I use ALL of my base. I use ALL of MY label stickers putting "thank you for stoping past xxx market" on them. I use ALL of MY packaging bags AND go out and buy more.

But it was ok... the lady was going to pay me. I told her I would only charge her price to replace everything that i had used. I wasn't going to worry about my time because I figured with (now) over 1000 soaps going out with my name, my website etc on it was a good free trade for my time making them. So long as I could replace the actual stock used (soap base and labels), I was happy.

Expo ends, all soaps are handed out (although a little more diligently days 2 and 3), and I send off my email with the cost of what I had used up.

Oh... but it was too expensive!!! The market lady didn't expect it to be that expensive!!

I explained that I had to use my premium soap base to make the second lot of samples. That it costs more per kilo with M&P and that she used up 20kg of it.

Oh... well... how about half? Yup, I got UNDER half the cost to replace everything!!

That was the start of the downward slide. I used that half payment to grab a couple of CP ingredients and started working on doing my kids soaps that way instead of M&P. Then I had some lotions go wrong and lost ingredients, packaging and the cost of both. Then I had some bills come in, my liability insurance got cancelled and my credit card got overdrawn. At the same time my ex is fighting child support over a few percentage difference in allotted time and everything went down the toilet.

So here I sit... with $45 to my name that has to pay for all groceries, bills and petrol for the next two weeks. Still no CS payment, no soaping ingredients and I've had to email the market people to pull out of the end of month market. It's a snowball effect. That 20kgs of base I had here WAS going to be the kids soaps that WERE going to be for sale at the end of month market. Those sales were going to make me money to re-buy stock, pay bills, etc. Now, nothing.

And the most upsetting, frustrating, rage inducing part? The lady that runs the market could not give a sh*t that I've pulled out. After giving her a week of my time (4 days making soaps non stop + 1 full day handing out flyers (so much for 4 hours)), and after giving her a gift basket to raffle away EVERY market. This is how I get treated?! I still got charged for my stall fee, and I still got the "have to pay in two weeks - it's part of the T&C" spiel when I asked for more time.

I've now learnt that just because I consider someone a friend, does not make them so. And never give anything away for nothing again!

Thanks for listening. I just needed to get it off my chest and can't blog about it as she knows of my blogs. Yes, even after all of it I still don't want her to be upset at me. Gawd I'm a glutten for punishment.

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The Soapinatrix! *whip-crack*
- Posting the trials and tribulations of my Soaping Journey!

I am soo sorry Coolah. I know that things are rough all over but looks like you have hit a pretty hard patch. When I hit times like this I have to sit down and meditate and ask, what lesson am I supposed to get out of this? when I get my answer, I make sure I dont have to learn it again.

Can you try explaining to the lady at the market that the reason you have to drop out is because she used up all your supplies and only paid half the cost for them, so you are unable to get more supplies or have product for the market? I know it may be too late for that conversation but thought I would throw that out there.

And you are not a glutton for punishment, you just expected the best of someone that was obviously not capable of being a good person.

I will keep you in my prayers that everything works out.

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Dawn

I'm sorry Coolah. I also learned the hard way that friendship and business just do not mix. That's a lot of soap and a lot of your time. I don't do samples any more. I might put a sample of something in a package I send if I so choose. Anyone that pays me for a special order has to pay up front with a 50% deposit. She's not your friend. I wish you well. HUGS!

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Irena
Closed minds are like faulty parachutes; they refuse to open.

Aaaah Coolah, I am SO sorry!

I can only imagine how you feel right now & that's pretty bad. I hope it counts for something that we are all thinking of you & keeping fingers crossed that things will change soon. Very soon.

My hubby & I have been there with the friends & business relationships thing & man is it hard! We had been working with this couple for over 10 years....anyway, when things go sour, it hurts alot & then you realise later you don't even miss them in your life. As Dawn said, just make sure you don't ever have to re-learn the same lesson

As far as the ex, can you do anything legally? Get him to pay up with some added pressure?

Remember Coolah Creations may not be able to continue going ahead at the same steam-roller pace as it has been, but with your skills & knowledge you now have, a small change in circumstances (& it WILL happen!) & away you go again! Even if it's slower than you would ideally like

Thinking of you,
big hugs
Rochy

Coolah...I am so sorry to read this. I am saddened to say that the market woman is just that...a market woman, friend does not apply. You were taken advantage of, learn from it and move on knowing better next time. I get suckered that way so many times...volunteering to help with my time and etc and getting the boot in the end and it comes down to just saying no or I am sorry, you said you would pay for the supplies and here is the invoice to pay.

As for the ex...I so hear your pain...my ex is behind over $29,000.00 in CS....and frankly...it is not worth the trouble to go after him. I tell him to P Off and go on about my life....my DD does the same. The disappointment he has dropped on her for years with his absence and broken promises just make it not worth dealing with him at all. My wonderful husband has taken her as his daughter from the day we married and she adores him.

I know how hard it is at times and this pickle you are in will pass just take it one day at a time and keep faith in your abilities to see it through. There are resources for some help if you look around locally and hit the telephone directory and start calling around. Just don't get discouraged...you will be alright. ****HUGS****

Thanks everyone - for reading and for the replies. I've actually spent all day talking to people about it all and have come to realise (or be shown) that I don't need to give up completely, just change my focus for a little bit.

As crap as I felt this morning, I think it was a good thing today happened. Realising that the market lady just doesn't give a crap about me made it easier and guilt free to pull out of the upcoming market. Which, the more I think about it, is something I had considered in the past because I don't want to just do kids soaps. And, given it's a kids market, that's all it allows me to do. So... it's a blessing in disguise.

It's also a good lesson on picking up the door mat and standing up for myself a bit more. The market lady knows that I can't afford anything - and that's why I've had to pull out. She doesn't care. You guys are right, she is not (and never was) a friend. Regardless of the fact I treated her like my friend, it was not reciprocated.

Soapbuddy - that's how I do my samples normally. I pop a freebie into an order if someone has placed one, or if I sell some kids soaps at a market, I pop my card and a sample of my adult soap in a little bag for them. But the market lady wanted people to like her and her stall at the expo, so she used me to give away free soaps to try and win people over. Giving them away to people who stopped and actually showed interest is not a bad thing... but they just threw them at anyone that breathed!! Over 1000 soaps went out and I reckon 990 people didn't even give a rats or even care about it. I got about 10 new likers on the FB page... out of those 1000 soaps.

Lesson learnt!!!

I've spent all day thinking over it all, meditating on it and speaking to the universe to confirm what lessons I was meant to come out of this with. I feel good now. I think I will see (next year) that this was all a good thing. I'll move away from the kids soaps as my primary thing and more into what I love. Find a more general market to sell ALL my products at, etc.

And in the mean time, I'm taking between now and Xmas to get myself all organised and on top of things, will work through what supplies I do have here and concentrate on my aromatherapy and massage course. Oh yeah, and kids and Xmas and life and all that jazz too lol. It's coming into Summer here - so at least I won't be able to sit here feeling miserable! I'll be hitting the beach, getting less fat and enjoying my family.

Re the ex - nothing I can do. We're already in the system with the child support australia people and even they can't get him to make it easy. No surprise there - this is a guy that cost me all my savings taking me to court over the kids only to end up asking for less than I what I was offering. The guy's an idiot. I'll get there. So long as there is a roof over our heads, we're not starving and tomorrow, it will all be ok.

Thanks again for reading. I didn't know where to turn today as it was mostly a soaping related issue and while my friends are supportive, sometimes they just don't "get it" the way you guys do...

Much love to all!!
xoxoxox

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The Soapinatrix! *whip-crack*
- Posting the trials and tribulations of my Soaping Journey!

We all have those days, I am glad that we can be here for you. Sometimes its just good for us to take a step back and look at where we are going and if it is going to get us to where we want to be. Seems like the Universe got your attention (in a really rough way) to get you back on track. Take time to enjoy those kids they grow up way too fast. Mine are all grown and moved out...I have to almost beg my son to come home once a month now that he has a girlfriend. The one kid that lives the closest visits about once a month as well...my baby though lives the furthest away and calls everyday. So just enjoy them for a while.

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Dawn

Coolah I am so sorry that things are so tough for you right now. I think everyone has those times when they just need to break down and let it out. I am glad you have a new fresh perspective. It is hard to face certain realities that we'd rather not but it seems that those are the things that stretch us and make us stronger. I have been a single mom since my daughter was 4...she's now 22. Her father has been little help for us so I understand the frustration that presents. I wish you were closer so I could help you with the children from time to time. Do know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

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Lisa
“What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul” ~ Yiddish proverb

Coolah, I'm soo sorry! When someone lets you down or takes advantage of you it's bad but when multiple people do it's terrible. Not only is it a sad lesson learned from the market lady, but a positive one as well. They cannot keep you down! You, and your kids, will come out of this just fine. Hang in there because your dreams are worth it. *hugs*

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Linda

I learn so much when I can't leave well enough alone!

Coolah, I'm so sorry that this happened, so I'm going to give you positive reinforcement!
Count your blessings:
Miss S and Mr. D
your talent
your adaptability
your positive attitude
your new career

Coolah Creations will survive and grow...just maybe not at the speed of light.

Wishing you all the best!

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Linda
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but they sure have some great ideas!

Mel, dear... where do you buy your supplies? I want to get you your Christmas present a lil bit early.

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~~Heather~~
Mad [soaping] Scientist

It is tough when one works so hard, as you clearly have, only to come up with nothing. Or worse, to be set back.

I don't know much about this market selling environment, but would insisting on something written - a contract, or written agreement, be helpful the next time this type of thing comes up? Sometimes just the act of putting things on paper can help clarify expectations, etc. It just seems so wrong that someone asks you to produce something, without them understanding clearly the financial risk to you or what you need to get out of it as a budding business. The simple act drawing up an agreement could also nudge one psychologically away from "friendship" to a more "business like" frame of mind - but that could be Idealistic April talking. I have heard too often from others mixing business and friendship is a disaster.

Hope things get better. Well, its getting to be summer down there - can a nice sit in the sun boost your mood?

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The Soapinatrix! *whip-crack*
- Posting the trials and tribulations of my Soaping Journey!

*hugs* glad you're feeling better today! Was telling my hubby that I wished you lived here so I could help out some!

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~~Heather~~
Mad [soaping] Scientist