Teach Soap

Ok, I'm not normally a share my life on the internet kind of person but I'm in sort of a pickle and I need unadulterated opinions. Non biased if you will. So as we all know, I make soap. My sister makes wreaths. She is always saying how she is going to make me one but never follows through. So she made herself one a couple of weeks ago, showed me a picture and its really pretty. I said I would like one. Low and behold she actually made it! It's beautiful. Well, I have given her countless bars of soap, face mask (which she always touts on fb when she is using it along with her 3 yr old son), body butters, beer, cigarettes, etc... always inviting her and her family to dinner and I pay for everything. Now she is asking me for $60 for the wreath. She said that's what it cost her to make it. I know it didn't cost her that much as I live at the hobby stores and I know where she shops. What should I do? I am so angry over it. She is always griping that they have no money and yes, they have been evicted from three houses in a row. Just moved in to a new place and is already behind on the rent. Yet, her nails are done every 2 weeks, and her husband is taking their son somewhere everyday to entertain him and then stops at the store to buy him a new toy. Now, I have the money but it's the principle of the matter. She is so selfish and it drives me nuts!!! I want to take the wreath back to her and tell to sell it to someone else if she needs the money that bad. I even offered a partial trade, soap and $30. She said fine, but she doesn't need the soap. Well that's cause she took 2 bars home with her this weekend! Ugh! I'm sorry to vent but I just need some advice. Thanks for "listening".

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Haven

I have two sisters, both very different, I am the youngest so I am sort of the meat in the sandwich.
If I was still angry, in the heat of the moment I would probably have said don't worry about it, you obviously need the money so you should sell it! And when you have enough money perhaps you could give one to me for my birthday or Christmas present.
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If I had a few days to cool down, I would probably just say, the two bars I gave you are part of the trade, and since you don't need anymore at the moment, you can get them as you need them, like you usually do.

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Diane

Honestly? I'd let this one go, either by paying whatever you agree on for the wreath or letting her know you were expecting more of a trade situation and to go ahead and sell it elsewhere. And then don't ask her for something unless you keep in mind that she chooses not to give her work away for free, even to family, and stop giving her freebies unless you genuinely want to give her a gift (rather than giving her something with the understanding that she "owes" you now, because of the freebies you chose to give her).

Mmmm, I'd probably give her the wreath back.

Whether there was any commentary with the return would probably depend on the level of my blood sugar at the time.



Anita

Ah, we all know someone like this, don't we? You'd be wasting your breath to try to explain the inequality of the situation. I'd probably say, "It's really pretty, but $60 is a little steep, I think I'll pass. Thanks anyway."

I can relate ~ the people who can afford a $400.00 Smart phone and get their nails done every week but they can't afford to pay the rent! I would agree with Thursdayschild, give it back and say thanks but no thanks.

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If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane
~Jimmy Buffett

Ha! Sounds like my family! I'd have given her a bill for all the stuff she "borrowed", asked for, or "accidentally" took from my house. I suspect my sister is right around the $6000 mark. *blinks* Yep, she'd get a bill.

Maybe point out to her that those soaps and face masks etc cost you money to make, and you could have easily asked her for money to pay for your time/materials as well. Because, in all honesty, she owes you BIG time!

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~~Heather~~
Mad [soaping] Scientist

I think whether she owes you depends on whether she asked you for free stuff, or whether you chose to give it to her.

I don't feel like she "owes" me anything but at the same time I feel like she should take into consideration all she has received from me. If I was on the outside and didn't know any better, I would pay about $40 for the wreath. It's not worth $60. But it's the principal of the matter. One of my good friends receives free stuff from me all the time. She always offers to pay and I tell her no. If my sister offered money, I wouldn't take it. She has asked for stuff sometimes and I have offered stuff sometimes. I have never asked her for anything and she made the wreath on her own. So am I wrong to be upset?

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Haven

nope you're not. i would give it back also.

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~Shell

Well maybe I am a sucker but after much thought (and conversations with my aunt) I put it behind me and paid her $40. She is happy, I'm happy, it will all work out. I'm not gonna give up the goods anymore though. Thanks for letting me rant and helping be the voices of reason.

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Haven

I think you made the right decision. I have 5 sisters and I know there can be misunderstandings. If she sells her wreaths she may have thought you were placing an order. I would limit the soap she is given. Maybe just for birthdays and Christmas. She will appreciate the soap more if it is not given so freely. A good relationship takes a lot of give and take and sometimes its more give than take. It has worked for us.

MaryLou